Living with ADHD presents unique challenges, especially when it comes to understanding and regulating emotions. For many, childhood experiences and lessons about emotions have left lasting impacts, shaping how we handle feelings today. Reflecting on these early lessons can provide valuable insights into our current emotional habits and responses.
Reflecting on Childhood Lessons about Emotions
Can you remember what you learned about the "right" way to deal with feelings when you were a child? At home, at school, in sports, or during your free time? Reflecting on these early lessons can help you understand how they shaped your current emotional habits.
Did you experience emotional outbursts as a child, a common trait among those with ADHD? Were you punished or shamed for these outbursts, leading you to suppress your emotions? Or did you receive support in learning to express your feelings constructively?
Many people with ADHD learned that certain feelings were acceptable while others were not. For example, perhaps only the teacher or boys were allowed to get angry, while crying was discouraged. This dichotomy often leads to a habit of suppressing emotions and not showing them.
Emotional Habits in Adulthood
As adults, individuals with ADHD often develop two primary ways of dealing with feelings: emotional outbursts and emotional suppression. These approaches can vary depending on the emotion. For instance, anger might be expressed freely, while fear is completely suppressed.
Feelings that are "allowed" are often expressed without restraint, potentially leading to harmful behaviors. On the other hand, those who struggle to perceive and process their emotions can experience massive outbursts when they become overwhelmed.
Many adults with ADHD find their intense emotions almost unbearable and develop avoidance tactics, such as excessive drinking, binge eating, gaming, or overworking, to escape these feelings. However, these tactics are not sustainable and can leave us feeling lost in challenging situations.
Reconnecting with Your Emotions
One of the first steps in managing emotions is to take regular breaks to notice how you and your body are feeling. This practice is known as "interoception," which refers to the ability to sense internal bodily signals.
Listening to your body doesn't make you a hypochondriac. In fact, being aware of your bodily sensations can help regulate your emotions. Regular pauses and check-ins with yourself can help you regain access to your feelings, which is often missing in everyday life.
Naming and Taming Emotions
Once you become aware of your bodily signals, try to describe them and match them with a feeling. Research shows that naming emotions can help reduce their intensity. Developing a broader vocabulary for your feelings can be beneficial.
Although it can be challenging to remember to take these pauses, especially for those with ADHD, practice makes it easier. Reminders, like drawing a pause button on your hand, can help.
Embracing Curiosity and Emotional Regulation
The ADHD brain is naturally curious and finds new things exciting. This curiosity can be an asset in staying present and noticing what is happening inside and around you. Being curious about your body sensations, feelings, and thoughts can help you manage your emotions more effectively.
Feelings start with bodily sensations. If we are inattentive, we might not notice them building up, leading to overwhelm. By pausing and paying attention to these sensations, we can better manage our reactions.
Allowing Emotions to Come and Go
Perceiving our emotions as they arise helps us realize that they are often short-lived. Allowing them to come and go, rather than suppressing them, can reduce their impact. If we practice this regularly, we can better handle intense emotions and avoid getting stuck in rumination.
Understanding that we can feel different emotions simultaneously is a resilience factor. It helps us navigate difficult times by accepting them.
Taking Constructive Action
When feeling powerless or helpless, taking constructive action can make a significant difference. Consider small, helpful steps you can take to improve your situation. Every little effort adds up and can lead to positive change.
Seeking Professional Help
Remember, seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. If you're struggling to manage your emotions, consider reaching out to an ADHD coach. We can provide tailored support to help you develop better emotional regulation skills.
Final Thoughts
Managing emotions with ADHD is challenging, but with practice and the right tools, it can become more manageable. By reconnecting with your body, naming your emotions, and taking constructive action, you can improve your emotional regulation and overall well-being.
If you need support, consider exploring ADHD coaching. Taking care of your emotional health is essential, and you don't have to do it alone.
Mirka